Software utilities

Erm, no…not really. But you’d think it the way it’s been swooping over the nation like an overly-keen spread of glandular fever.

I don’t know which craze is worse: High School Musical, Hannah frikkin Montana or the iPhone. (Oh yeah, and add Harry Potter to the mix. I don’t care much for Harry Potter but I love my nephews which is the only reason I’ve been able to stomach it).

I must be one of a handful of people aged between 14 and 30-something who isn’t crazy about iPhones, iPods, i whatevers, Nintendo wii, Xbox, etc.

Therefore, I hereby announce myself to be a different kind of (human) species – part of a dying breed – because technical roll-outs like these just do not turn me on. I find it a lot more entertaining watching people squabble over the latest phone, those who queue up for miles and miles to grab one, and those who scream like banshees until the windows shatter upon being told that “sorry, erm, we’re out of stock”.

It’s INSANE.

Give me a mobile phone that works – sends calls/texts, receives calls/texts – and that’s it, I’m a happy bunny.

Give me a mobile that can take photos, shoot videos, make you a mean bowl of chicken wings and tuck you into bed at night with a glass of milk…

…then, Houston, we have a problem.

The latest is that there’s been a software glitch with the ‘online registration system’, so in certain parts of the UK, there are people either crying their eyes out or customer service assistants having their ears sizzled with complaint after complaint after complaint.

It’s not just the UK, though – in the US, some people’s iPhones won’t activate. Oh dear.

I think I might hire out my services as an iPhone therapist – how’s that? The world needs me right now.

ET, don’t you DARE phone home with the iPhone or else I’ll break off every one of those skinny green fingers of yours and put them under Stephen Spielberg’s pillow (mafia style).